Monday, May 21, 2007

Call Me Miss Jones

It's Monday afternoon, late in the afternoon, and I'm in my pyjamas eating a cold lemon tart.

I should be studying, but once again, I have gotten bored of my Public Companies & Equity Finance textbook, and have decided to venture onto the world wide web to share my thoughts with whoever will be so kind as to read them.

This weekend, I spent much of my time thinking about how much I had in common with Miss Jones, the infamous character of the Helen Fielding series - you know her, the silly billy made a global phenomenon by Renee Zellweger?

These were the points of similarity I came up with:

Bridget writes in her diary. I write on my blog.

Bridget likes food and is relatively porky. I like food too, and though I may not be porky at this particular point in time, I have been (and will be) considerably porky at many a point in my life.

Bridget makes a fool of herself on an hourly basis. I make a fool of myself on a daily (maybe thrice weekly) basis.

Bridget had a man in her life, yet found it impossible to look beyond her perky British nose, to see that Mr. Darcy was the only person who would ever be able to tolerate her ridiculous behaviour. I had my Mr. Y, overreacted whenever he argued with me (apparently in my world, women can shout but men can't shout back), ignored all the wonderful things he did to make me happy, and honed in on all the negatives, forgetting that only a handful of people on the planet have ever been able to stomach me and my silly ways, and that 4 out of all 5 of them are tied to me by blood.

Bridget went crawling back to Mr. D, wondered at his ability to shun her advances, but somehow ended up being rescued by him after a disgraceful episode in Thailand. I have attempted to crawl back to my Mr. Y, and even though he ain't having none of it, he somehow found the time to help me revamp a presentation I'm due to give tomorrow.

Apparently folks, having the ins and outs of his private life published on the world wide blogosphere is something he detests and finds utterly unforgiveable. You would think I'd have considered that last week, after the Yote Strikes Back episode back in January?

I suppose I could argue that I'm not as bad as Bridget, because, her Mr. D was perfect, and mine was far from! But I guess when you consider how much of an effort he made with me, despite my acute inability to sort out the many silly problems I created in my life - like buying a pair of glasses on a whim, hating them, and then getting upset when Selfridges wouldn't let me return them; Or crying like a big baby when the piddly sums in my bank account were pilphered by some accursed rogue; Or skyving school, doing no revision, blogging for weeks, and crying like an even bigger baby when I realised my exams were only a day away; Or crying for well over two hours and refusing to go out, because of a hair cut that made little or no difference to my overall look; Or moaning about my hair or my weight, or my face, or my school work, or my social life, or my friends, or my family, or my career, or my groceries, or my tube travelcard, or my broadband, my wardrobe, my bank balance, the weather, my macbook, my esthetician, my cleaning lady, my fatigue, my boredom, my blog...

And when you consider that I was also unable to shoulder the costs of my bank-breaking telephone habit, or the costs of my bank-breaking duck curry addiction, and that he took on the former with only a twice monthly grumble, and indulged the latter (even throwing in the odd tub of strawberry cheesecake ice cream for good measure despite my phoney protests), I guess he wasn't doing too badly all along, was he? :(

20 comments:

? said...

First I must say, Bitchy - that you, yes you are so talented - sharing your thoughts in a way sooo distinctive, sooo diverse, sooo original. And I like it, yes! and as you can see am starting to put my finger on why exactly but I do?

TheAfroBeat said...

bitchy oh bitchy...noone's perfect as you know, the Yots put up with many a bitchy (won't call them flat-out bad) habits and lived to tell the tale...and so did you! like you mentioned a few posts ago, it'd be great it he had a blog to vent his own side of the story but obviously he doesn't roll like that. in the meantime, don't beat yaself up Mizz Jones, we love you just the way you are! (cue in the late uncle Barry)

p.s. why aren't I included in the 5 pp who put up wt ur silly ways...scheeeuw!

TheAfroBeat said...

ooh, i just realised that a whole bunch of random pp loving you just the way you are might not suffice, so had to add that the eventual HE will love you just the way you are too (with a few slight modifications that will develop as your life experiences continue to mould you)....i promise!

Anonymous said...

Snuffy here. For some reason I can't comment as me - no idea why. I don't get technology. Don't be so sad. We all have a Bridget in us.

But I am not going to be nice like your other commentators. You have been foolish Bitchy. A man like the one you describe is rare and must be cherished. I too have been silly as you have been. Hence my current very Bridget state.

You say you crawled back to him? Did you really crawl? Did you tell him that he made your world spin? That he was the only man in the world for you? That you had been silly and blind and that you didn't want to spend the rest of your life regretting the loss of him? Me thinks not.

Drop the pride and do it. And Bridget will be no more...

I'm rooting for you.

Anonymous said...

If he did any of the things outlined in the quiz you will end up miserable one day. In my world boys don't/can't shout at girl's get a new man.

culturalmiscellany said...

Hhhmmm, not sure what to say - your decision! Just be careful not to do it too often if he's really the one.

Jeremy said...

You know bitchy, I think the pseudo-independent has got a very soft spot for you. He's going all goo-gaa with all those ooo's in his comment above..

Pseudo-independent: now's your chance, carpe diem! Looks like she's going back to the Yote before too long..

Yummy Mummy said...

We women are funny aren't we? We ask for someone who would love us warts and all, and when they arrive, we sort of think he just might not be good enough because he loves us. I mean, why us?

If you realise thisis the man for you, don't take him for granted

? said...

ok Bitchy, hope to see you around.

Cheetarah said...

Ah bitchy my girl, the after tot of breaking up, u must be in Toni Braxton mode, but I must say ur handling it quite well,me I shut down esp when I think I made a mistake, ur friend misan was rite u put up with quite a bit from him 2. Im rooting for u doe to get back 2geda u sounded very happy!

@crying after u bot the glasses,lol! Im just like that, I cry when I sign fone contracts coz i want my money back and they wunt let me
I guess no1 wants to know their private life is being shared, Lala wunt let me even put hez pix up, I had to delete all my grad pix on yahoo that he was in! He doesnt know I have a blog but he suspects that Im a tad bit mad coz im always telling him about some 'friends' who hez neva met and their stories are so mad,lol!
This iz getting loong, Im out!

Admin UD said...

Oh! dear, i must suggest you try and get back with da guy, Y, as a matter of urgency. And btw, also try and work on ya temperament. It can be difficult but not impossible.

That guy, Y, trust me is a rare gem if he does all you said here.

Spook E said...

lol don't get back with him until you've sorted out all this crying buisness. I suppose you may call me cold but i can't stand it when people cry over things that in the scope of life seem very insignificant so..if you guys broke up because you cried so much you near drowned him, you'd do well to tighten that faucet :) and I say this with a smile.

On the other hand, you could find a guy who just as good a crier as you and y'all can live tearfully ever after lol *i crack myself up!*

Jaja said...

Am smiling.
Being Bridget-like. I like the idea of it. But I wonder about sharing that reality.

As per Y, I don’t think it’s my place to advice and all... (Haven’t read all your previous posts). And yes quit the crying. Pls.

But then you sound ok for me Miss Jones. More than Ok.
Do I hope for a response of a 6 or 11 digit number?
And didn’t I already say it here publicly that my English name was Darcy??
Of course Darcy Mark Jaja…

Jaja said...

Darcy Mark Jaja For Bridget Bitchy Jones

? said...

@jaja, i dont want the competition abeg o
its pseudo for miss jones jare

Bitchy said...

Misan, yes my darling, I should've made the number 6. Apologies!

Snuffy, you're hilarious!! I did kinda crawl I think. Lol!

Weirded Out, Only time will tell, n'est-ce-pas?

Cultural Miss, Yes, we must all be careful musn't we? :)

Jeremy, Lol! I will address Pseudo in a minute

YummyMum, I read your blog! I always take people for granted, friends and fam included. Tis a terrible thing.

Cheetarah, I'm so glad someone else is in my crying club! Though when I do cry, trust me, I'm not taking it lightly.

Ugo D, Honey, you have no idea what a hot catch Miss Bitchy Jones is! I could slap a man and he'd come running back for more. Teeheehee!

Spook E, You're hilarious. And it's because I'm such a crier myself, that my men are not allowed to cry unless there's a good excuse.

culturalmiscellany said...

Cheeky, cheeky. Are you implicating I've found 'the one'?! My problem is I think and deliberate far too much. What's your excuse?

Anonymous said...

How long have I been gone for? I feel like I've missed a hell of a lot, shit!

By the way, you are ENTITLED to the moaning and crying and all that, it is your RIGHT as a female and NO HE SHOULD NEVER SHOUT BACK - but yeah, they always do :P

x mwah x

Anonymous said...

SELFRIDGES NOT ACCEPTING YOUR GLASSES BACK?! Try this next time: (I always do this it, NEVER fails me) - just put the item down on the counter and say something to the effect of:

"well you know what, I don't even want a refund anymore, I am so unhappy with this product and this store, you can have the damn thing back, I'll be happy to be rid of it. Be sure that I am never going to come back to this shop and I am going to spread the word"

A little too dramatic? Oh no it's not! You gotta go ALL OUT! You get apologies, a refund and/or vouchers!

Anonymous said...

You really are legendary bitchy. I too at this very moment should be doing work but unfortunately, I have become addicted to blogging and bloggs, most esp. yours. I will most definitely be staying tuned.

I think all women out there are Miss Jones in some way or the other.... 'Bridget makes a fool of herself on an hourly basis. I make a fool of myself on a daily (maybe thrice weekly) basis.' ....Hell, I make a fool of myself every bloody second. Lol!!