Sunday, November 02, 2008

Lagos Island Iced Tea

So in a bid to rescue my ailing blog career, I have gone and set up a new blog.

Let's see what happens with this one, shall we?

It's called Lagos Island Iced Tea.

(I should be able to keep it up seeing as all I do in this bloody city is eat, drink and party!)


Thursday, October 23, 2008

This Little Piggy Went To Market

I am distinctly more 'rotund' than the last time I blogged. 'Rotund' is probably too much of a euphemism. I am just plain 'corpulent' i.e. F.A.T.

It was to be expected. Not only am I living at home where there is an excellent 24 hour pancake machine in the form of my cook, I am working in a team with the 4 little piggies. We have our own plantain chips supplier for goodness' sake!

I am doomed.

Oh and did I mention that I'm shelling out 120% of my youth corper salary on a personal trainer who comes twice a week, yet I'm STILL putting on weight?

I am really doomed.

I need to get my teeth wired.


Tuesday, August 05, 2008


I didn't break my resolution! Ok technically I did, but morally I didn't, because I wrote a post, I just didn't publish it. It was a general moan about the weight I have put on over the past few months, and about the relative strangers who had taken it upon their not so tactful selves to point it out to me (not a very engaging read).

I'm suffering from blogger's block. I'm hoping something comes along soon to break this spell!

Friday, July 25, 2008

Let the Healing Begin

For the second time in my blog career, I have changed my blog's URL. Gone is the awkward and impossible to remember etcetera hyphen etceteroo link, and in its place is the original, the one and the only, bitchyinthecity dot blogspot dot com.

Why did I decide to revert to my original URL? I don't know. Perhaps because I've come full circle? I don't think so. I have claimed to have "come full circle" so many times on this blog now, that I no longer know what "coming full circle" really means!

I am a permanent resident of the good city of Lagos now. It's still such a scary thought, that I have trouble saying it out loud. If you are a personal friend of mine, you could be forgiven for thinking me bonkers on reading that last sentence, as all I have done for the past few months is moan and groan about London, how dreary it is, and about how much happier I would be if I were at home.

If you know me however, you also know that I am somewhat schizophrenic, and that I can be in love with something today and despise it tomorrow. This illness is reflected in the number of websites I possess on the world wide web, the bastard children of many business ideas that I threw my whole being into for a period, and then dumped without so much as a backward glance a few weeks later.

I have begun to worry that this schizophrenia is getting in the way of my progress in all respects. The fear of commitment is what I probably really suffer from. That, and getsboredreallyeasily syndrome. My shoddy treatment of my blog is testament enough to this and I am really getting sick of it.

I'm turning over a new leaf. I intend to blog once a week religiously, regardless of whether or not I have something to say. I'm giving myself a royal kick up the bum which, if it works, could cure me of this unbearable inertia.

Hmmm... I wonder what I'll write about during the week? Oh dear. I can feel the panic already beginning to settle.

Friday, July 04, 2008

The Perfect Way to End a Dull Day - 10 Easy, Quick and Pain-Free Steps

It’s Friday afternoon and I’m at my desk in an office somewhere in the City of London sipping an icy mojito from a flourescent orange Winnie the Pooh mug.

How did this happen you might ask?

Well... Let’s just say I got bored at work, very bored in fact, and in the middle of an email exchange with an equally bored friend who was also sat at her desk somewhere not too far from me in the City, decided I needed a drink... a nice summery drink with which to lift my ailing spirits.

For the record, I am not an alcoholic... I am just a very bored intern. Yes... that’s right, I’m interning yet again... and no I’m not thrilled about it. (The last time I filled out a form asking for my ‘Occupation’ I came dangerously close to writing ‘Recurring Intern’ on it!)

Today is my last day at the firm and the mojito is my goodbye present to myself. For anyone who finds themselves in a similar predicament, my advice to you would be as follows:
(1) Grab a long coat, your wallet and security pass (or whatever it is you need to get around the building),
(2) Walk stealthily to the department kitchenette, and grab the largest mug you can find and fill it with a little water,
(3) Whilst sipping slowly so as not to attract attention, head for the stairwell so that it looks like you’re headed to another floor rather than outside,
(4) If no one is in the stairwell, empty the mug and wrap the coat around it so that it’s concealed on all sides,
(5) Make for the exit, smiling at the security guards as you walk past,
(6) Head to the bar next door and place your order,
(7) Grab your drink and find a table in the corner,
(8) Unwrap the mug, tip the drink into the empty mug and wrap the coat back around the mug being careful not to spill it,
(9) Walk back into the office building with your head held high,
(10) Sit at your desk, unwrap your purchase and sip on it to your heart’s content.

Have a lovely weekend bloggies! Xxx

Sunday, June 01, 2008

The Big Q

I have a question for the writers and producers of Sex And The City...

What do Big and Carrie do when one of them needs to do a really noisy, gassy poo and the other's wide awake in the next room?

It's just a question... I know they definitely didn't think about that when putting the new movie together, and personally, I think they ought to have given it some thought.

If they're going to make every single one of us compare our real life relationships to Big and Carrie's on-screen romance, the least they could do is toss in a few not-so-glamorous scenes for our viewing pleasure.

Surely there must be days when Big's breath forces Carrie to hold hers for an uncomfortably long period of time whilst they're locked in one of their perfectly choreographed smooches?

As a die-hard fan I would like to know these intimate details of their relationship. I think it's only fair.

Friday, April 04, 2008

Biyi Bandeezy in the Heezy for Sheezy

Apologies to Biyi Bandele and Farafina (dear Anwuli too!) for this.

I know it's coming on here soooo late. But folks! I'm in Lagos... AND I have MALARIA yet again!! (Not new malaria... the same friggin one... from the SAME bloody India... which I'm still determined to go back to at least once this year mind you!)

So my forgiveness is required right now from everyone. Lol! Even from the Mister Bloody Fanutastiki himself! :)

P.S. Yes I know I am the luckiest and stupidest dog alive (simultaneously mind you) that you probably know right now.

P.P.S. But shey you understand me a little better for it at least. Not so? Let me know, even if it's just to say you've already met the very famous Mr. Biyi Bandele. He is so unbelievably cool and even Mr. F has the photos to friggin prove it!

P.P.P.S. I haven't even had the time to review his book on this very blog by the way! AND I still think it's so damn amazing, even though I only started AND finished it last week. Okay?

Will try and come back today! But I've gotta go to my very amused/ irritated/ angry doc first!

Tory plenty for this side ooooooh! Xxx

P.P.P.P.S. Okay I tried. The dumb PDF file won't even work. I knew it! I'll come back later.

THE READING IS TOMORROW AT THE BRITISH COUNCIL IN IKOYI IN LAGOS! If you would like to know details for Abuja, Kano etc etceterooo, try Jeremy Weate first and then second!