Friday, February 29, 2008

The Long Overdue Moan About... My Hair!

I went to the hair salon in the ghetto yesterday - the one in which Feline (of Smackdown vs Raw fame) reigns supreme. Feline wasn't there, but another equally feisty Jamaican fatty was, and she provided many a blog-worthy moment. So many in fact that it would be far too tedious to sift through my memory in order to select the most worthy of the blog-worthy.

On a more general note though, what is it about hairdressers in London? Is it because we (black women that is) entrust them with our most prized possessions that the city allows them (on a regular basis) to get away with murder and daylight robbery? Obviously in the ghetto there is no robbery of which to speak, but in posher parts (to which I have been known to take my silly useless head on many an occasion) it is bloody ridiculous! £180 for -N-8,000's worth of hair work! (You do the maths... Ridiculous!)

And do they treat us like royalty? Like the precious (life-giving) gems that we are? NO! They keep us waiting (even when we have appointments), argue with us when we want certain combinations that will take longer to produce (but for which we are ready to pay), and leave us fuming, pissed off, teary and scuttling under the cover of darkness for fear of being seen with the monstrosities they have sealed tight onto our heads.

It is all too much! And in the midst of it all, they have the audacity to be so intimidating!

I've come to discover that a male hairdresser is often the best solution to the problem. He will not shirk you off onto some lesser-trained assistant in the salon, fight with his co-workers over your aching head, scream at you in incomprehensible patois for no apparent reason, or walk out and refuse to do your hair because his choice of tv channel or radio station has been ignored by the rest of the workforce.

Unfortunately though he is only to be found on the (again, RIDICULOUS) posh side of life, he has been known to mess up and leave you teary, and he WILL keep you waiting. At one such posh palace on Wednesday I noticed that the lady to my left (with half a head of braids) was relatively ignored, right from when I arrived, to when I left. I decided that she had to be a self-employed billionaire or a cushy kept-woman, from the calm, unperturbed manner in which she accepted such crap treatment. She sat reading her novel and said nothing to nobody, waiting patiently for her favourite demi-God to find the time to work his magic on her kinky locks.

Why she was willing to sit so patiently, I will never know. What I will say though is that women like her are the reason why hairdressers in this country are such bloody divas, and they are the reason why hairdressers think we have nothing better to do than pass entire days (working days too mind you) in their company. So please, if you are a black women living in or around the London area, kindly huff and puff with impatience during your next visit to "Chez Enrique". It will remind Enrique and all the other little "maestros" in the establishment that your time is precious, even IF you are unemployed, and with nowhere really to go, like Bitchy ;P

Ta! Xxx