Its 05:30am and I have only just gotten back home. Not because I was at a bar, or a club.. But because I was at my cousins' house. Nothing particularly exciting was going on there but somehow we managed to sustain a stimulating conversation from 9pm when I arrived, till a few minutes ago.
My cousins, as it turns out.. know everyone!! When I got to theirs, I knew I was going to end up divulging the name of the young gentleman whose acquaintance I had recently made. This gentleman hasn't been mentioned here before because, at this moment in time, he and I are only just friends.. and there really and truly is nothing exciting to report back. I suppose we've only known ourselves for a couple of weeks and I should be the last person (given past experience) wanting to jump the gun, but I am really having trouble with the fact that nothing exciting has happened yet. Another problem I have is that its proven very difficult to dig up any dirt on him.. everything's been just a bit too straightforward. Its not that there's anything wrong with him... He's a really really nice guy, but I'm not comfortable knowing that I have no info about his character aside from the little he has chosen to reveal to me.
Anyway... so it turns out that there is no dirt. And so, for the first time ever in my life, my cousins have more or less given me the go ahead to pursue a relationship with a guy! This is not to say that I have decided to go into a relationship of any sort with him, but at least now I know that my cousins (who are so judgemental by the way) will approve.
Encouraging as that should have been, all I've done since then is doubt the nature of the feelings I have for this 'gentleman' or 'dude'. As yet, I don't think there are any real feelings there. Yes.. I'm intrigued by him and I like what I know thus far, but, as I whinged all day to my 'personal fashion-guru' (who by the way is excellent!!), there's no Va Va Voom! She thinks I'm ridiculous.
Now.. I know I need the Va Va Voom! I just do.. okay? Like many other young people, I've had one or two relationships in which the VVV played a vital role, and others in which it quite simply did not exist! The latter, on the whole, tended to be boring, drawn-out relationships at the end of which the VVV-lacking dude was left hurting. Why? Because I got bored! I've been struggling to identify the characteristics that incite the VVV in a relationship, but could come up with nothing other than the fact that I tend to like, and be very attracted to, very bad (and very stupid mind you..) boys. The arrogant bastard who has no reason whatsoever to be up himself, is the sort at whose feet I have been known to swoon. One friend's diagnosis was that I like the thrill of wanting and having someone whilst knowing that I in fact do not 'have' the person (because he's probably playing me), and neither should I be wanting him (because he's a dog and I deserve better)! Does that make any sense? I don't know..
I'm hoping that friend will be proved wrong. On paper, 'the gentleman' is perfect. On paper, he and I together, could be perfect.. and unlike all the other guys I've considered, he's so nice and so mature and really interesting and genuine... Basically, he's great. Despite all this I can't help but worry over the absence in my stomach of fluttery butterflies and caterpillars. I have chosen to think that they're away on holiday at the moment on the pretext of incredible fatigue caused during the past month by my dancing from the possibility of a relationship with one boy, to the possibility of one with another. If I was in Nigeria, I would probably say my stomach bugs have gone on strike. So what do I do? PFG says I should wait. But I hate waiting! She says, wait for something big to happen.. something that will jolt the lazy creatures back into action. The theory is that if I allow my butterflies to rest now, and then something big happens (I really can't imagine what could possibly happen!), because by then they'll be well rested and will have gotten over the trauma of the summer, they will warm instantly to the idea of a long long season of flitting and fluttering to their hearts' content. And then me and my love (who by then will also be my 'lust' *thumbs up*) will dance the night away... under a blanket of twinkle twinkle little stars.. and Thierry Henry and his band will provide the background music. Hooraaay!
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