Thursday, November 01, 2007

Italy vs. France - La Lutte Des Amants

I came to my blog just now with the intention to tell a big fat lie about a situation that currently plagues me, but I find that for some bizarre and completely inexplicable reason, I am compelled to tell the truth. (This' a first innit? Teehee!)

I have spent the last week in the company of two very good-looking, very intelligent gentlemen. As you may have worked out from the title, one is Italian, the other French (actually I thought he was Brazilian when I first met him, as he's half Asian).

The problem here is not that I find it difficult to flirt with two men at the same time (on the contrary, I am reveling in this current 'predicament'). No, the problem is that the Italian doesn't seem to want to play anymore!

Now, as one who is accustomed to a regular stream of admirers (hyuk hyuk) I am astounded! Astounded is too weak a word. I am flipping flabbergasted! As I said to my dearest Misan via email the other day, 'How dare he not like me? Is he crazy?!'

The Italian (who Misan insists on referring to as 'Oga P' simply because it gets on my nerves, and because she dislikes his name) confuses me. He spends the entire weekend with me, takes me to beautiful place after beautiful place, and then to a fantastic jazz club (which so happens to be where I met the Frenchy - am I naughty or what? Hmmm... Perhaps this is why he isn't interested. Anyway...) He insists on walking with me to my apartment every single time we go out, moves me out of harms way even when it's unlikely that the granny approaching on her bicycle could do me much damage. Then he invites me round to his, cooks me dinner, agrees to watch 'The Bodyguard' with me even though he insists it's a very stupid film and he knows he will be forced to spend the rest of the evening translating it into English for me. He insists I stay for ages and ages, until I'm literally falling asleep, and does all manners of other sweet things etcetera etceteroo.

But then... Nothing!

Now if the Italian were the basic ugga-bugga Naijaman sort (i.e. "Me man, you woman, man want woman, woman must want man" etc), or the sleezy Joey Tribbiani-type Italiano, things would be far less confusing. But as luck (or disaster) would have it, he's the complete opposite! He's a flippin' hippy, who just also happens to be a gentleman.

Moving on very quickly to the Frenchy. He makes me laugh to no end whenever we see. When we met at the Jazz Club, I was still yet to buy a mobile phone, and so he made a huge show of writing his number on my hand so that I'd be forced to remember him the next day (which was absolutely hilarious, and so not as cheesy as it sounds). He took me to a football game yesterday (even though he knew I would be bored stiff) simply because he wanted to see me but had already made plans to go to the game. He constantly asks me all sorts of questions, and is particularly anxious about my 'friendship' with the Italian. And yes, it is very clear that the Frenchy would be happy to get kissy kissy with Bitchy.

But... Bitchy wants the Italian!

To be honest, she wasn't entirely sure she wanted the Italian until the Italian began to act as though he was indifferent to Bitchy, at which Bitchy promptly began to flirt with the Italian like a wasp on heat! (Gosh, I'm such an idiot) And if you've been reading this blog long enough to remember my 'Flirtatious' post, you will remember that Bitchy is an unwitting flirt, and thus when she does take the decision to actively engage in flirtatious behaviour, is quite frankly, ridiculous to behold.

Sigh... I'm almost tempted to give up, but it's just so intriguuuueing. I am a hot cake! How can this possibly be happening?

N.B. I will not take kindly to comments that make mention of the lard, cakes and other such things that have been discussed in previous posts. The size of my arse is completely besides the point. If anything, it should be working to my advantage. It certainly would be in Naijaman territory. Perhaps I should just stick to the breed I know ey?

22 comments:

Noni Moss said...

uhhh the Italian sounds yummy and I tink it's simply a case of wanting what you cant have. You want him more now cos he's lost interest. But I'm sure he'll turn around.

Oh and I'm sure you're still hot - depsite the walking tub of lard tag ;-)

P.S - I totally love your blog but find myself consumed with curiosity about different things but I dont want to be nosy. However got to ask - what are you doing in Paris?

TheAfroBeat said...

ooh, my fav line: "I thought he was Brazilian when I first met him, as he's half Asian" : BLONDE!

Oga P's playing hard-to-get and you're still giving him time of day. abeg, the clock is ticking, and as much as this sounds like it'd be a great conquest, YOU ARE NOT A GUY, so get over it (the hard-to-get hotness factor) and go for the french.

ALLEZ LES BLEUS!!! SCREW THE ITALIANS (don't know how to say that in italian...hehe)

Bitchy said...

LOL! Misan you are a nutbag. All this hatred on my poor poor Italiano, simply because you hate his name??! "Abeg, the clock is ticking"?? LOL!

At Noni, long time no see on the comments page! :) And THANK you for trying to be objective about the situation, unlike Misan.

Although I really have to add that this isn't just about getting what I can't have. He also has the most beautiful pair of eyes I've ever seen!! Actually no, somebody else had the most beautiful eyes, but the Italiano's eyes are just gorge! And he's so scruffy and Johnny Depp-esque. Sigh... It feels like I'm 12 all over again kissing my poster of the boys from 3T. Heeheehee

Ekoakete said...

"...basic ugga-bugga Naijaman sort (i.e. "Me man, you woman, man want woman, woman must want man" etc)..."

Chineke B...! Why now? Na my brethren you yap so? I'll have you know Naija men are waaaay romantic. Ahem...yeah very much so...

Anonymous said...

go with the italian he will not disappoint, take it from someone who ended up marrying her italian stalion and 15 years and 3 kids later he still courts me as though we just met!!!

Anonymous said...

clearly u want what u cant have.
so just imagine him to be the next juiciest sugary-creamy-confection that'll have u literally rolling around like the blue girl in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and you'll stay away.
that way, if he comes to you u know it was 'meant to be'.

the french guy sounds cool, so u're obviously just spoilt for choice.

((you're such a lucky bitch- first u get to live in paris, then u get two representatives of the hottest european countries lusting over you... damn i want ur life! lol. without the extra ASSets, of course :P))

Unknown said...

Do you remember the Sex and the City where Miranda gets told by Carrie's boyfriend that the reason her guy has just disappeared is simple? Yeah, he's 'just not into you'. I think some clever people wrote the theory into a book. Guys are simple. If they like you, Naija or not, they will try to kiss you or something. If they don't, they disappear. We women try to analyse everything and figure they must be complicated like us. They aren't. He just isn't that into you.

And you, true to the female form, like the 'bad man' want what doesn't want you. Too bad. The Frenchie was looking kinda nice...

Sugabelly said...

Oooh, you've been blogging again. I can't wait to get to reading. Did I say you inspire me? I used to stay up at night crying because my blog wasn't as good as yours and Bella's but then I realised; hey, what's the fuss? I'm eighteen, and my blog definitely has about 600% the number of readers it did when I was sixteen. Interesting blogs come with age and wisdom I guess, and lots of money to travel round the world. I can wait my turn, and when it comes round to me, I'll be phenomenal, like you.

Anonymous said...

Hey Sexy! Sounds like you're doing better than okay! ;)

Wait for the Italian to WAKE UP and smell the Espresso, till then, you got French ;)

Tell us how it goes,

YMW

x mwah x

Acheeka said...

i'm going to need pictures before i take a side.

Noni Moss said...

Lolll - sweetie, I ALWAYS read your blog even though I dont always comment. (Sorry to come all gushy with the groupie love)

So what's happening with the options?

Anonymous said...

Italian men and french men..... good looking bunch but don't get them.... but then again i don't get men!!! ;P Hmmn this is a though one...... I say do both If you get the chance.... LOLOL hheee he!! I'm such a slut!!! ;)

Anonymous said...

Hey B..

My 50 cents.. as a heterosexual male... I say enjoy yourself remember it's better to get what you need, not what you want. French, Italian, Naija. Your own man will definitely realise that you are not only hot cake but the most scrumpious one there is!!

I recently started reading your blog and if words be the mirror to the state of mind. Then you are without a doubt mind blowing in every sense of the word

ciao bella

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

Oga P, oops, Italiano wants you and he wants you bad. But, because you were doing shakara, he is now giving you a dose of your own medicine. lol!

Just kiss him and see if the bobo does not respond. Oh, my, I just thought of something. Is he gay???? Okay, kiss him. If he recoils in disgust then maybe he's gay. If not well, I am waiting for an update!!!!

Thanks for FINALLY reaching one of my blogs. lol!

Moody Crab said...

Ha! Why don't you do the two of them at the same time? Variety is the spice of life!

PS; I tagged you on my page...

Naapali said...

Be still in your motion. Act without acting, summon him without words. He will come running, he will beg, he will pant then u can kick him like the italian mutt he will become.
Let him know u want him and you are done like yesterday's latte.

uknaija said...

Hmmm...someone's been very busy...I second Snuffy's comments

Bella Naija said...

LOL...u r such a nutter!
Ok..I have no good advice to give u....The italian is prob just not an aggressive dude...he's done his bit, wined and dined u...now its your turn to show him that u r into him...

Bitchy said...

Oh dear oh dear this many comments? I'm not used to this! LMAO! They made me laugh so much!

Eko - I'm sorry oh but your brethren are indeed ugga-buggas, obviously there's the rare breed like yourself, but the rest...

Anon - Oui oui je suis d'accord

Geisha - you have my reply on your blog

Snuffy - LOL, I've missed you so! You're so annoyingly frank. Teehee!

Sugabelly - love love the name.

YMW - It's been aaaages! Will see what you've been up to in a bit

Cheeks - they're coming!! Maybe this eve

Noni - Update will be either tomorrow or Friday I hope. It's hilarious!

Willow - You are soooo like me!

Anon - with such insight, you are so definitely not ugga-bugga. I am indeed fabuleux! Teeheehee!

SolomonSyd - You want to kill me or what? I'd rather than die than make the first move. But then, there is an update to come..

Crabby - Woohoo for variety, will see what I've been tagged into in a bit

Nappy - Thank you for the pearls of wisdom. Get ready to receive a million other emails with similar questions from my very perplexed self

UK - There's a lot more to the story than what I was able to blog about OKAY?

Bella - Oh my, this must be my first ever comment from you I believe. Lol, will spill the beans later this week.

Xxxxx

Atutupoyoyo said...

The solution is simple. Make a sandwich. One side baguette and the other side Ciabatta with a healthy portion of Naija suya as the filling. I hear that this is the most scrumptious of sandwiches.

Seriously though why choose? Some days I prefer baguettes. Other days I am in a ciabatta tip. I usually find myself returning to hot, freshly made Agege bread. Bread ……...hmmmmmmmmm

Bitchy said...

LMAO!! See if I wrote that, I'd be labelled a ho'. You are hilaaarious Atutu. Xxx

Sugabelly said...

Thank you.. I'm the One, the Only sugabelly..mwah...I love my name too