Scratch that. I know I have a problem.
I didn't have this problem when I was younger. In fact, I had the opposite of this problem then.
When I was a kid, my mum or dad would glare down at me on a regular basis, and demand that I say sorry to whoever it was I had offended (my brother, my sister, nanny 1, nanny 2, the cook, the driver, my piano teacher, my lesson teacher etc etc). I would refuse and in the end, they'd resort to yelling, "say SORRY!" over and over again whilst I stood firm, unyielding and unflinching.
I then came up with a killer response round about age 7 or 8, which probably heightened their growing suspicion that they had produced a devil child - "Why? WHY should I say sorry? What will the sorry do for you?"
Looking back, I see that for all my sins, I was a wise tot! What does the word "sorry" do? Why do we all assume it can take away the pain or harm we have caused? And more importantly, why does this word bubble out of my mouth with such ease now that I am older?
It's a dangerous word you know.
Why?
Because it implies an assumption of guilt. It lays all the emphasis on you, the wrongdoer. And it allows you and the other to forget that they may have done something wrong to you too.
I have spent a lot of my time apologising in my adult life. And subconsciously, I have been taking on a world of guilt. Many a time I have said sorry to someone, even though they too have done something wrong to me, and then when they haven't turned around and said sorry back to me, I have had to hold myself back from prodding them with my pinkie and yelling, "Oi! It's your turn now!"
Instead, what have I done? I have sat back and watched them accept my apology, and have allowed them to act as though, in the 'hurt me I hurt you' dance we were dancing, I alone was the wrongdoer, I alone was a dancer.
Well... No more o!
In an hour I will step out of my flat and into the brilliant sunshine that's been flooding through my windows (Londoners - isn't this great weather we're having?)
And when that man or woman who isn't looking where he or she is going gets in my way, so that I end up stepping on his or her toe, I will not say "sorry" or "gosh! I'm so sorry" or "oh dear, I'm terribly sorry".
Ehn Ehn!
I will stand there and glare that person down. Let them apologise to me now for goodness' sake.
11 comments:
lol, Bitchy. It took me a long long time to truly understand what it means to be sorry. Apologising and forgiveness are all about your heart and not the other persons. It doesn't matter what they do if you are sorry then you have a clean conscience and if you truly forgive your heart will be released from that bitterness. Now, that doesn't mean I am an expert at this. Half of my issues with MrO come from me being bad at forgiveness but its worth sticking at and realising what is actually going on as that's most of the battle won.
Bitchy SAY SORRY NOW!! I can sooo imagine papa Bitchy being terribly frustrated at brat Bitchy back in the day as paino teacher stands there wondering how long it's going to take this child to crack so he can jejely go home....hahaha
Bitchy, i can see you're really living up to your name, aiite?...lol!
say BoOYaKa?
Lol i completely feel you on this one. I say sorry when someone bumps thier foot against something when i had absolutely nothing to do with it. i say sorry when my boss says she forgot her lunch at home I mean, i'm sick of being sorry but i blurt it out before i can catch myself. tell me when you find a solution...it become like the friggin hiccups, tried every trick in the book and i'm still in my "sorry" state!
Have you all gone mad?? Ok so maybe it is because I'm a teacher and so all I say all day is say ... 'What do you have to say for yourself young man?' and then I expect the magic words... But frankly without those magic words, we would have to shut the school down. I mean, 'sorry' makes the badness go away... it makes everything ok again. It makes wrong into right and makes both the one who utters it and the one who hears it feel good inside. At least it should, Bitchy! Does this sound too righteous? Maybe. But it is in being sorry for things that we learn and grow and it is in growing that life becomes worthwhile.
Snuffy
Cultural Miss, I do know how to apologise sincerely, I just don't like how easy it is for people to remember that they too owe you an apology. Oh and I'm terrrrrrible at the forgiveness stuff
Mimik, Papa Bitchy was only ever involved in the sibling squabbles. Mama was the one who dealt with all others, and she had no patience. If she asked me to say sorry twice and I didn't heed her command, Dr. Do Good would take over!
Ugo D, It's about time, don't you think??
Pseudo, In English?
Spook E, I failed woefully too yesterday! Despite my resolution. A guy on the tube poked his extra long foot out, I tripped over it and the sorry blurted out, then the monkey said "It's okay". I was so irritated!!
Snuffy, You weren't being self righteous at all. Everytime I have had to apologise genuinely, it's made me think about my actions a little more and I guess I could say I grow (?) from the experience. I have no problem apologising you know, I just want to receive a few apologies myself!!! Hehehe Xxx
ok I just did? :)
LMAO at this post....
i too used to wonder a long time ago, esp when someone stepped on my foot and left without saying sorry, mehn i used to be burnt, come back and say sorry now, when they did, it really did make everything better, and there is a world of difference btw oya sorry now, sorry jo, okay sorry, sorry, im sorry and i apologise
sorry is a powerful, and when i have apologised, i have apologised,
Yeah, like 'love' and 'hate' I think 'sorry' is up there with the most overused words, the meaning has been watered down so much does it even mean anything anymore?
And with that bumping into people on the street... I stopped apologizing LONG ago, that shit pisses me off, I'm ALWAYS the one that says sorry so now I don't, 'less of course I've been lucky enough to bump into a buff ting I may want tings with you get me?! ;)
x mwah x
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