Coming Live To You From CRU [Cowards R Us]

Its just after midnight. In layman's speak, its still 'Friday night' and...

Lagos is deserted. Completely deserted.

The ride back from the Yote's house was frought with tension, tension and MORE bloody tension. In his silence I could hear the accusatory - "Why the hell were you refusing to go home all this while when you were falling asleep and taking up the space on my sofa with your silly derriere?"

I'm exaggerating. Of course he wasn't thinking that. But he was on edge, and I was effing scared.

Every night the Yote takes me from Ikoyi to V.I.

On Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays we encounter eight to ten cars en route.

On Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays we occasionally queue up behind ten cars at the V.I. end of Falomo bridge alone! And in total, we see possibly sixteen cars.

Even in the group I've placed it in, Friday night shines and beams way more than the others because Friday night in Lagos is, and has always been, a big deal.

It hasn't been a big deal to me for a long time now as Lagos time is Yote time and I have absolutely no interest in engaging in the 'see and be seen' thing the 'elite' set are so famous for. The most contact I've had with clubbers and bar-hoppers during my last 3 trips to Lagos, has been spying on them from behind the windows of Yote's monster truck.

Tonight, there was not a soul to spy on. Not a clubber, not a hopper, not a nothing! There was no one to laugh at. There wasn't even the dodgy banger that I have been known to delude myself into believing is a band of robbers waiting to pounce on us.

Now, as far as I know, no curfew has been set in place. And earlier today, when the sun was shining, there was no katta-katta. Or perhaps I should say there was no reported katta-katta as I have lately become acquainted with the rock-solid propaganda machine manned by Oga Tinubu, his goons and the like.

At one point this afternoon, I even ventured as far as Obalende, and then Marina (yes I know these places are not far before anyone crucifies me) and there was absolutely nothing going on. You could've been forgiven for thinking it was a Sunday - even the danfos were few and far between! There were cars on the road, several of them. But there was no manic traffic. Gone were the angry horns and the hoards of people and beggars. Those random hawkers carrying toilet seats and encyclopedia volumes were absent too, leaving only the real deal - the guys selling credit, chewing gum, and things you actually need whilst sitting in a car! Lagos was pleasant for a change, and I sat like a misguided little pup in my car, making a mental note to tell the Yote off for his million and one conspiracy theories about this weekend's possibilities, that had frightened the hell out of me.

I also made a mental note to tell him about Saheeto, and his quest to become a member of the House of Reps this year. Just to get you up to speed, Saheeto was crowned 'the small chops king' of Lagos back in 2004. In 2005, he extended his realm by seizing Abuja from any local small chops hopefuls, and then in the same year (as Ovation informed me back when I was an avid reader) he took London by storm!

Saheed Kekere-Ekun, the go to guy for those extra puffy puff puff balls, and that uber juicy piece of stickmeat/pepper snail, is the PDP (correct me if I'm wrong, which I probably am, as I was too gobsmacked to take a proper look at the poster) House of Reps candidate for Lagos, and is thus a potential member of that crucial institution (well it's crucial in other countries) - the Legislature.

For more on Saheeto, click here. Its a Sun News (don't you love them?) article which begins - 'He applied for job of a waiter, but got employed as chef, today he has carved a niche in fast food business'. The typos are not mine.

The Yote feels that my extreme aversion to Saheeto's audaciousness stems from my being a descendant of Snobby Snobberson herself. Remember her? My mother?

Call it snobbery, call it whatever you will. Just answer me this - What could a man who only went so far as secondary school, and who has spent his entire working life building a small chops empire (even if it is a remarkable empire - click here), have to contribute to an institution that is (sorry, ought to be) the fount of the nation's legal order and the source of its continued amelioration?

Tonight, on the Lekki Expressway, large groups of heavily-armed soldiers have only just set up road blocks with hefty bags of sand a la the U.S. in Iraq. I didn't see these myself. Perhaps I'm glad I didn't as I really and truly might've burst into tears on seeing them. The Yote was the one who saw the soldiers dragging the sand bags, when he drove on the opposite side of Falomo bridge, away from V.I.

Does this spell trouble for tomorrow? Is it a sign that the rumours of violent clashes between warring political factions could be more than just rumours? On some level I am comforted by the notion that the govt is attempting, or at least, wanting to be seen to be attempting to prevent any harm coming to voters. But then, thinking back to how lazy and non-responsive this outgoing regime has been, I can't help but think that the threat of serious violence tomorrow must indeed be very real and very potent, for the govt to get off its backside and decide to maintain a visible presence on the streets!!

Tomorrow, I will be indoors. There will be no live coverage from the voting stations on this blog. I don't do danger/conflict/anything that could potentially mess up my hair. My middle names are not Christiane and Amanpour. Sorry! And ironically enough, my hope is, that the next time I blog, I won't have a single thing to say.